he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
