Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
