I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize