Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
