I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
my liver is dry heaving
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
