I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
