i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
