Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
