Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize