also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
