I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Terrible idea I love it
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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