yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
