Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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