dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
