were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
