if i can run in heels then i can drive
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
