I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize