She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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