I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize