Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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