You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
