marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
