just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
