he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
