You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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