My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
