i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
