ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
