exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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