xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
