I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
