Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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