have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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