We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
