I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
