Everything about him screamed your future.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My feet surprised me
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
