he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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