i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
