I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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