drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
