Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
