turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
