I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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