it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I have post one night stand depression
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