I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
