I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
