why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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