drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
