god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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