Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
