Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
