I could have mohawked her pubes.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
