Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize