then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
