What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize