I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize