She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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