Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize