this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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