he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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