I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
