dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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