Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
