As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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