I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
