I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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