planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
