In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
