Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
