I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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