I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Drunk is not a location!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
