Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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